it's easier being alone

Growing up, I moved . . . a lot. This meant that I had to learn how to make friends fast. It also meant that I had to learn that when I moved on, my friendships were often left behind. For the most part, the friends I made during my childhood did not make it to adulthood.

As an adult, I have very few close friendships. Some of this I attribute to moving around so much. I also think that since I got married so young & many of my friends from high school didn't, meant that while I focused on my family, my friends had other interests. More friends lost along the way.

The one friendship that I always felt that I could count on was my cousin. We had a very close friendship growing up, which for a Navy brat always meant to me that no matter where I moved, I could count on my cousin being there.

About a year ago, all of that changed. She has chosen to drop me and my family from her life. I know part of the reason is that I think she feels that I've betrayed her. I know in my heart that I haven't betrayed her, but I can't change that perception because she is refusing to be a part of my life.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor's due to some medical concerns that I have. It would be nice if I could pick up the phone & call her. The problems that I have been having worry me. I'm sure it's nothing, but I can't help but think that if it is something serious, will she then chose to let bygone be bygones?