None speaks more directly to me than when I see a child avoiding going to school. My oldest and youngest suffer from anxiety. The youngest exhibited behaviors that from a "lay-persons" point of view would have smacked of being "oppositional" and "defiant." He did everything as an 8 year old to avoid the place he feared the most . . . school. He complained of stomach aches, head aches, often complaining several times a day that he needed to see the nurse. When he wasn't able to get out of the situation causing the anxiety, he would try to run away, throw tantrums, and just about any other thing you could imagine in order to get to the place he felt the most safe . . . home.
We never excused his behavior, but let me tell you, his third grade year was one that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. So, my antennae tends to get raised when I read something like this. There may be a reason that this student is avoiding going to school & it may have nothing to do with her trying to "scheme" or "to get mom's attention."
Anxiety often leads to depression. Depression can lead to such things like cutting, taking drugs, or something even more drastic, such as suicide. Again, I'm not excusing this student's behavior, but from my own personal experience, I hope that someone looks into the possibility that this student may be suffering from anxiety and then give her the skills and/or the necessary medication to help her.
I've been the frustrated teacher trying to deal with the unruly behavior of a student, but I've also been the parent who has had to help my children through some very difficult times in their lives and have been told by "well-meaning" teachers and administrators that my children were "choosing their behaviors." Sometimes kids do things in order to get the help they need. Sometimes they do not have the words to express what they are feeling. It is up to us to give them this voice and to let them know that their mental illness does not define who they are.
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We don't know each other's struggles or what different kind of journeys people take; it's nearly impossible to understand why kids act the way they do. Great post.
I agree with you that there is almost always some underlying cause when a student acts out. Most kids would prefer to just blend in and do their thing. Good for you for recognizing the need to look past the behavior.
This is a beautiful and important message. It's so wonderful coming from you having been on both sides of the equation and being able to write about it so eloquently. Thank you for sharing it.
Please note that Ms. Bluebird and her team are trying to help the student. She has had multiple meetings with the mom, and even gotten the admin involved.
Also, Mrs. Bluebird is the one held responsible for the kids results on the state tests (not the kid, and not the mom). She is just asking for the chance to do her job - which she can't do if the kid isn't in school.
@anonymous - I assure you that after reading Mrs. Bluebird's blog for quite some time that I know she is doing everything she can to help this student. My only concern was that as both a parent & as a teacher, some of the language that Mrs. Bluebird described in relation to the student, caused me to have some concerns that perhaps there was more going on than just the student trying to be manipulative. My youngest child exhibited a lot of manipulative behavior as a 3rd grader when he was battling severe anxiety with going to school. Both the teachers and the administrators at his school refused to believe that there were any underlying issues and instead accused him of being oppositional & defiant. His dad and I were also labeled as being enablers because we were "allowing" him to behave this way.
Finally, as president of my local association and as a former teacher in the classroom (this is my first year as president), I know full well the pressures teachers are under in order to meet the standards set by unsympathetic politicians & policy makers.
My only point was hoping to illuminate another reason as to why this student might be behaving in this way.
You make a great point. I often wonder what is going on when a child misses several days. However, I teach high school in a low income community so there are a lot of "reasons" for avoiding school. I rarely think about anxiety and how that can affect a child and their desire to come to school. Thank you for your personal insight.
Can't a student be oppositonal and defiant AND battling anxiety issues at the same time? One doesn't excuse the other, does it? Consequences for the behavior and treatment for the mental health issues are both necessary.
Great post, very informative. I also have a blog if you are interested. http://elementaryeducationexperience.blogspot.com/
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