Right now, I'm struggling with some personal issues that I'm not really sure how to tackle at this point in time. Something happened about five years ago that led to a serious rift in our extended family. Because of this rift, the holidays simply are not what they used to be and the person most accountable for it really doesn't seem to care about the ramifications of their actions.
This person has never been confronted directly by me. Instead, I've tried to pretend that everything is okay. However, five years later, it is not okay and it is my kids who have suffered by this person's selfish behavior.
So, I'm putting this out there. If you were me, what would you do?
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9 comments:
I would talk to the person. If the relationship is already broken, talking it over can't do any harm.
I'm a huge believer that non-confrontation is rarely ever the best policy.
My holidays are being affected by a rift with a friend that was like family. I have given her space--knowing she's hurting and denial is her preferred coping mechanism--but after the new year I'm going to tell her that we either talk about it or we go our separate ways. How can you have a relationship with someone if they can't talk things through?
Non-confrontation hasn't worked for you for the last five years - maybe now is the time to approach things more head-on. At least you will KNOW you made the attempt, and whatever the outcome, you'll have taken decisive action. Good luck...
Go around that person to contact those s/he is keeping from you. The two sides can make a connection leaving out the toxic person.
That is a consequence of his/her actions. (Assuming those left out are not the minor children of the toxic person.)
I'm echoing all the others here; talk. If talking is too difficult, write. Get some communication going, but also be very clear about what is and is not okay; establish whatever boundaries you need to keep you and yours safe.
I have no answer but I believe in talking.
It's tough, isn't it?
currently one of my siblings is very, very vexed with me. We have been able to keep it out of the kids (the cousins') relationships, though.
Talking is definitely the best solution, but it's also the hardest and has the potential to blow up in your face. I had a hard-to-get-along-with family member spend 12 days at my house over Christmas, and every single minute in his presence was trying. I only ended up calling him on one of the million things he said that irritated me, and that because it was something hurtful said to my nine-year-old. So hard to walk that line between keeping the peace and keeping your sanity. I feel your pain!
I am 31 years old, and I am a married man. Other then my wifes family, and a brother. I have no other family. I would do anything to have a family memeber to have an issue with so I can solve that issue and go on loving them
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