Truly, Really, It's All New to Us

Our Very Big Deal Government Mandated State Tests will be in mid-April, and as a result, we are in the middle of reviewing everything we've done for the entire year so that the kids, hopefully, will perform well on the Very Big Deal Government Mandated State Tests. After all, there's a lot riding on these tests (which is stupid, and insane and totally illogical, but I digress), and you want the kiddos to do well. Considering the crop of seventh graders I've had this year, it's a good thing that their names are already pre-bubbled in because I'm not so sure they'd be able to handle that.

So, a few years ago, Mrs. Eagle and Mrs. Robin (who has now fled the nest and is in the process of moving overseas) and I got together with Mrs. Standards and came with an eight day plan to review with our kids. It's actually pretty simple. We have a theme for each day and we do lots of quick mini-labs, two minute paired discussions, foldables, games, and so forth in order to make it fast, fun, and hopefully, memorable. We also came up with a review packet that covers, very concisely, everything we've done for the entire year. We break the packet into two parts and give the packet for homework (it's a big 100 point assignment) and all the kids have to do is fill in a few blanks on each page (answers are pretty much in the book and in all the foldables we've done all year and they were supposed to keep - yeah, that happened) and turn it in and they'll get an easy A.

Piece of cake.

Unless, of course, you are a student in my Fourth Period Class From the Very Depths of Hell Itself. Last week, I'm getting class started with a Daily Science question, and Animation Boy raises his hand. "Mrs. Bluebird," he says, "I've looked through this packet and we didn't do any of this stuff this year."

Another hand goes up, and it's Dairy Boy, the kid who had no clue that milk came from a cow. "He's right Mrs. Bluebird, we didn't do any of this stuff."

Oh. My. God.

"Are you kidding?" I ask, because I wouldn't put it past this group to do something like this just to Waste Our Time.

"No," says Dairy Boy. "None of this looks familiar."

Let's take a step back and check out the demographics of this particular class. It is my smallest class. It is also the class with the lowest grade point average. Over half of these students will fail science this year. It isn't because they are not capable, because they are, it's just that they won't do assignments, they won't study, and they are at school purely for socializing. This is the class that has Spicoli Boy who had spent the entire year stoned in my class, and is now in alternative school. This is the class that has Stoner Boy, who should be in alternative school, and who has also been stoned all year but who has a mother more concerned with him drinking energy drinks and even though she says he's grounded, he gets a new video game every weekend.

Stoner Boy, by the way, has a whopping 23% in science right now. This is the class that has Sassy Girl, who just can't shut up and who has turned in no work for the past year. Oh yeah, her mother has stood us up for three parent meetings. About 25% of these kids are in our remediation class, which is a class for kids who, for whatever reason, aren't achieving to the level that they should be. In elementary school, they were, for the most part, average achievers. However, when they hit middle school, they just shut down. I suspect drugs, lack of parent involvement, and a lot of outside factors have a role in their lack of achievement, but I'm being held accountable.

So, I look out over the class, and for once they're quiet (of course three of them are currently in ISS, two are absent, and one is in alternative school so there aren't many of them left). They honestly, truly, don't recognize the material. There are a handful, maybe three, that are shaking their heads in disbelief because they were the three that had to suffer through these chuckleheads all year and actually managed to perform to a somewhat adequate level. I've felt sorry for them all year.

"Well," I respond, "I hate to break this to you, but we went through everything in that packet this year. Everything. Nothing is new. In fact, the water cycle stuff you did here in science and in social studies with Mrs. Social Studies."

Their mouths are hanging open.

"I would guess that perhaps it doesn't look familiar is because a lot of you have spent time in ISS, or were suspended, or you didn't do any homework, and you didn't study for any tests, and you spent most of your time in this room talking with your friends, misbehaving, and generally acting like you didn't have a care in the world. I would suspect that the fact that your class has done nothing but misbehave all year has a lot to do with it."

"She's right," chimes in one of the three who actually managed to give a rip all year.

"Really?" asks Animation Boy. "We've done all this?"

"Yup," says another one of the three achievers.

"Oh man," says Dairy Boy. "We are so screwed."

Oh yeah, you are, but I'm the one who gets the blame.