Thoughts on the Virginia Tech Shooting (Part I)

For me, a huge part of the debate is our societies ambivalence towards mental deficiencies. Some people are born mentally handicapped. I have a younger brother with Prader-Willi syndrome. He is what is called "educably mentally handicapped." As much as we know about and seem more accepting of those in our society who are mentally handicapped, it never fails to anger me at the inconsiderate stares he often receives from stranger who seem to feel that if they stare long enough, they'll be able to figure out why he's "different."

Our society is unwilling to embrace people like my brother as full-fledged human beings who should be treated with the same level of dignity and respect as the rest of us - those with fully functioning brains. How many of us have heard our students derisively refer to others as "retards" and have done nothing about it? Or, teasingly said to another that they're "psycho"? When we look at a homeless man muttering to himself, we point and stare, perhaps uncomfortable with the knowledge that (like the old saying goes) but for the grace of God . . .

There are still some cultures who try to hide away family members who are mentally handicapped. It is an embarrassment to the family if a child is born with mental challenges. While this cannot be said, on the whole, for our American culture, it can be said that children who have mental health issues are often misdiagnosed for years until something major happens. Mental health issues don't show up at birth, like many birth defects, rather they are not noticed until behaviors crop up that aren't typical. Even then, it may take years for an accurate diagnosis because unlike those with birth defects, genetic tests cannot be done to determine if there is something wrong with a chromosome.

My youngest child has an anxiety disorder. He was not diagnosed until he was 8 years old. Prior to starting school, we were aware of the fact that he would worry more about things than what we felt was usual for a small child. Despite his difficulties, he was able to perform in several community theater productions and was quite successful at it.

In third grade, his world (and ours) came crashing down. There was a series of events that led to an eventual mental breakdown of my beautiful, little boy. As many people know, mental illnesses tend to run in families, so if your family has a history of depression, there is a very good chance that your children will be predisposed to having depression as well. For my husband and myself, depression and anxiety run on both sides of our family. I guess it should not have been a surprise to us that two of our children have anxiety, which is closely linked to depression.

I wrote about my daughter in an earlier post and the difficulties she faced as an 8th grader. Due to the anxiety she faced on a daily basis caused by the viciousness of other female students, she became severely depressed. She learned to deal with the anxiety through intensive counseling, which she attended for almost two years.

I also wrote about my youngest in that post as well. However, when his psychiatrist recommended an anti-depressant, I couldn't help but think about Tom Cruise and his rant against Brooke Shields for using medication to help her deal with post-partum depression. After talking it over with my parents, my mom put it into perspective for me. (My parents are great at that!) She asked me what I would do if the youngest had broken his leg. Of course, I told her that I would follow the doctor's advice which would probably mean having him in a cast. They might also prescribe some type pain medication to help alleviate the pain, which I of course, would have no problem giving him.

He has been on his anti-depressant since the summer before he started fourth grade. Along with the medication, we have used proven behavior modification techniques which has helped him to effectively turn off the "what if" thoughts in his head. However, I hesitate to share with very many people the fact that he is on medication because I fear that I will be judged in someway. This is despite the fact that the child that I had prior to his mental breakdown has returned.

After all, I can still remember the comments from his principal at his old school about how my son was choosing this behavior. My husband and I were also repeatedly asked if there were "any problems" in the home which might be causing our son to act out. Instead of acknowledging that our son (who had been a stellar student at his school the previous three years) had a medically diagnosed disorder which contributed to his acting out, the principal assumed we were the cause of the problem.

My oldest and my youngest will more than likely have lifelong battles against depression and anxiety. As their parent, I have become knowledgeable in ways to help them fight their battles. I am a middle-class, white woman, who is well-educated. Yet, I still feared the stigma of having a child labeled as having a mental illness. One can only imagine how this type of diagnosis could have a tremendous impact on a family whose culture may be unwilling to recognize the obvious illness that Seung-Hui Cho suffered from.

More needs to be done to help those people who suffer from mental illnesses. Perhaps the legacy of Cho will be that our society will finally have an honest debate about the effects of mental illness. Those of us who have family members who suffer should not have to suffer in silence.